i have spent the morning in deep contemplation. i wish there was a way that i could harness the immense power of my farts. think of the possibilities; they really are endless. i mean, this could be fucking revolutionary. it's the most basic of our natural defense systems, and it really should be more of an on-demand type of thing.
ever since i was a kid, i have dreamed of being able to package and distribute my farts. i used to catch them in jars and then see how long they would last in there. so yes, that means i sat around smelling my own farts out of a jar. of course, i would be masturbating, hanging upside down with my nipples clamped and connected to a walkman with exposed wiring, providing a small current directly to my tender nips while i sniffed my own poo gas. you know, just like every 10 year old kid did.
farts really are fucking fascinating to me. say what you will, but it is amazing that something so foul and awesomely offensive comes out of my butt. it really is an out only zone, i have never been able get with the whole anal sex thing. the idea of it is just disturbing. why don't you just bone a dude if you want to fuck a butt? i got nothing against some nice man on man butt sex if that's your thing, but there is absolutely nothing feminine about butt sex, that's for sure. vaginas are there so you don't have to fuck butt. there's a reason why that has been the preferred hole since the beginning of time.
seriously, just look at the basic construction of an asshole. it's built with defenses to ward off incoming objects. think about the first people that tried to stick a wiener in a butt. some guy is like "you know what? i think i am gonna try something new tonight, cave woman. i will put my dick in that super tight hole no bigger than my ear canal, just to see what happens. it looks like it could be warm in there. and after all that poop has been in there, it's gotta be relatively clean, right?" i bet even that pre-historic dude with the first anal fetish realized that what he was doing was just a little off, especially since he most def felt the horrific friction burn of the butthole, being that there was no lube back then. can't be fun to have a severe poop burn coupled with the slight greenish hue of poo stain left on his manhood.
also, what's with the close up on the butthole in a porno after some juiced up roid head completely annihilates it? it's like a deformed dolphin blowhole rimmed with blood and sweat, lined with stray pubes and dripping with sadness, just the thing to really help a boner reach peak performance.
"it's like banging a silk bag full of puppy ears." all i can say about this quote is that if you're not watching Blue Mountain State on Spike, you need to watch it
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