iphone, why do you taunt me? why do you laugh in my face with your millions of unattainable apps? i hate you, but i can't stop loving you. you make me want to spend $500 on you, but i still need an apartment. but maybe we can work something out... if i let you stay at my place for a while, can you be cheaper? i will totally give you morning head if you stay with me, and maybe even a blumpkin (for those of you not familiar with the glorious blumpkin, it is a blowjob received while taking a hot, steaming shit). actually, i will give you blumpkins repeatedly.
on second thought, do i even need an apartment if i have you?
do you love me as much as i love you? please talk to me, i feel like all we ever do together anymore is watch tv. do you still think i'm sexy? why can't you just stay in tonight? we're not moving too fast. no! don't leave, i'll change, i swear.
i miss you so much
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