i love you "jersey shore"

thank you MTV for giving me this little piece of comedy gold known as the jersey shore. also, i would like to thank whoever it was that was wise enough to know that jersey is an absolute fucking gold mine for reality tv "stars" and egomaniacal trashers who are willing to actually act like themselves for an audience.

thank you to the tanning beds that provide snookie with that beautiful golden luster and thank you to the laws of physics that allow for her hair poof to defy all that isaac newton worked so hard to figure out. and thank you poughkeepsee, new york for grooming such a fine young pygmy.

thank you for the situation that led to "the situation" (namely, the circumstances that brought together the two amazing human beings that boned down to spawn such a classy and dignified jersey boy that references himself and his abs as separate entities of the same name).

thank you seaside heights for nurturing and encouraging the absolute fist pumping debauchery that takes place on your pristine shores.

thank you "j woww" for being so impressed with yourself, that you are forced to exclaim "wow" when introducing yourself to others and you are even forced to add an extra "w" because a simple double "w" "wow" just doesn't cut it.

thank you pink eye for making a huge comeback "down the shore." i was wondering what had happened you, since the last time i saw you was in the third grade. i am happy to know that you are still in circulation outside of third world countries.

thank you