but let's really get down to what this is all about; today, we celebrate the legacy of telling unsuspecting children that it is perfectly OK for a large fat man to commit home invasion, as long as he leaves a gift behind, of course. and furthermore, all you children out there should instantly feel comfortable around overweight men in costume, preferably a red costume that looks more like a robe so it can be taken off with haste (because we all know how tedious it can be to take off normal clothing, especially if you in the process of giving gifts to young children).
not only do parents encourage their children to instantly trust an overweight seasonal employee of the glendale galleria, but they also encourage them to waste perfectly good cookies on a blatant diabetic.
i also question the whole notion of a "mrs.claus." i mean, i have heard about her, but she doesn't even get impersonators at our fine retail establishments around the holidays. so why doesn't he ever take his wife with him anywhere? the guy makes toys all year, and spends all of his time around little troll people whose hands are small enough to fit into the machinery when the assembly line breaks down. this guy has an unhealthy fascination with little people of all kinds. i'm just saying, this santa guy might not be the best person to have kids bouncing around on his lap.
so santa runs his sweat shop up in siberia, utterly neglects his faux wife, is a walking advertisement for the dangers of diabetes, and obviously drinks too much as evidenced by his ridiculously red nose and cheeks.
yay for alcoholic, wife neglecting, borderline pedophiles!
and to all a good night.
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